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home school and keep your cool part 2: 5 tips

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Hi i am Jen, CEO of jenuine (haha).

I am a qualified teacher, as well as a psychotherapist.

I have a PGCE (post graduate certificate in education).

However my qualification is for adult education and never ever would I have wanted to be a primary school teacher. like never, ever. no way.

But here I am, just like you, having to do it.

I only have one child to school, a five year old. It is going to be harder with more than one child. be easy with yourself.

Please remember: When your child or children go back to school your teacher will get them back on track. This is why your child’s teacher chose to train to be a teacher. They didn’t hate it so they kept going until they were qualified. That’s four years of knowing what they were getting themselves in to! They do it cause they love it! It does not utterly stress them out. Do not worry about who is ahead or who is behind. It is all fine. Focus on getting through this without your stress levels over spilling. Share your joy, your kindness and fun with your child. What better things can a child learn than kindness, joy and smiling?

!. Make a time table for the week and stick it on the wall or kitchen cupboards. Our timetable lessons start 11am-12.30 and 2-3.30 Monday to Friday. This makes lots of space for relaxing and chilling in the morning. Teeth are brushed before “school”, all washed and ready, some children may want to wear their school clothes. You may want to even incorporate your daily exercise into the morning like doing a “school run”. We make a packed lunch at lunchtime. And then there is an “after school club” of fun activities like trampoline, games, tv, jigsaws, talking to friends.

2. Section off an area of your house as “school”. If you have a separate dining area, use this. But it could be a section of a bedroom, or even the garden.

3. Have a journal to keep all that you do at school in. An A4 pad will do. Keep a record of morning and afternoon session. Pictures can be taken and printed. Any art work can be stuck in. A covid chronicle will be interesting in the future. Recording it all will make you feel more teachery (i know that’s not an actual word).

4. Get your child to choose a subject for the whole week. If they are learning a subject they love then they will engage more. It is good to know this subject a week in advance so you can “lesson plan“. For the sake of this blog the weeks subject will be potatoes! I want to show you how easy it is, as easy as potatoes! But it could be fairies, mermaids, artists, football, lego. Last week we did a whole week about Beyoncé! It was so good! Teaching my mixed race child about a very powerful black woman was a powerful lesson (please see other blog).

4. When you have chosen your subject, think of several different lessons that could come from this. Mind map it. As an example for you, write “potatoes” in the middle of a piece of paper and draw a circle around it. Then write things that you could do around the circle, with lines connecting it to the circle. You could even do this mind map with your child. This is teaching super thinking and problem solving skills. Think of ten lessons if you can, that’s one for each AM and PM session. But if you can’t think of 10 it’s ok, you can do other stuff.

For example, use this model…
history class: (I always like to start with the history) of potatoes
gardening class: planting potatoes (this is where you may need to plan a week in advance, to get time to buy the seeds)
art class: potato printing
english class: potato in stories and film, or writing your own story
maths class:  (half, quarter, fractions, etc)
cooking class x 2: make chips or wedges. Or mash. Or fritters. Rr check out my blog on how to make a super potato salad.
exercise class x 2: how not to turn into a couch potato, potato dancing ( the mashed potato)
fun classes (know in thee teaching world as “fillers”… no pun intended) : Mr Potato Head (originally made from an actual potato). Or watch Toy Story.

5. Make sure you reward not just your child, but yourself too. Maybe make a star chart for yourself. We have a “marble jar”. Whenever your child does something good at school they get a marble in the marble jar. When all the marbles are in the jar (maybe about 20) we have a “marble party” of singing and dancing.

 

let me know what you think, any ideas, and if you like this PLEASE SHARE!

We are all in this together. remember to do to the “staff room” and focus on your SELF CARE when in there breaks!

jen x

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how to bbq when feeling low

yesterday, as my big girl turned 20, we had a bbq (no guests, only us three, don’t panic)

now this may sound like a “so what?” type of thing and i understand why you may think that. but it is a bit deal for me.

if i manage to do one bbq a year by the end of summer that is astounding, but to do one in the months of April?? unheard of. maybe it is because i have more space here in my new house and garden, maybe it is because i have a dishwasher now to help with any dishes, maybe it is the medication, but i have really struggled with bbqs each year for various reasons.

  1. not liking the sun (yip, i am the only person i know on the planet who loves autumn, winter too, and who stays in the shade as getting hot flares up my skin)
  2. depression, see number one, maybe lack of vitamin D but i have started taking that each day since november so maybe its helping. bbq seemed to be what happy, healthy people did and i did not want to fake it.
  3. fear of something breaking… i still do not have any picnic wear, but if you are prone to anxiety i definitely recommend getting some to take away this worry. i would literally shake at the thought of it. this removes any joy.
  4. bbqs can make me feel lonely. see number 2.
  5. all the preparation, the fear of making a mess, hence the “dishwasher effect” which may actually be a thing

so i have decided to do this easy bbq guide in case you are understanding me and feel that doing a bbq is out of your comfort zone, and brings on your mental distress instead of being fun.

the essentials

first of all, buy a bbq you love to look at and so want to take care of. i know this sounds a bit silly but it is true, if you love it you will want to use it. waitrose do a great portable bbq each year, and at their end of season sale they sell it half price for around £20. Weber also great bbq, costly at first but they don’t really go rusty, which will make you love it longer. get easy to light charcoal, you just have to light the bag, but also get some bbq fluid as sometimes they don’t light well and this takes away the lighting stage stress. also, get a long handled lighter, long handled tools, apron, gloves.

have enough tables… not having enough table space creates so much stress so get a folding table where you can place all the salads and sauces etc. I got this super garden table set beer-keller style off eBay, two long benches and one long table, only about £50 and they fold down which is such a help in winter. and best of all they look great as they age.

put some bunting up and fairy lights if you are bbqing into the dark hours. i am planning to make some bunting in this lockdown with some fabulous vintage fabric i have been collecting. i got the idea after buying some amazing vintage style bunting at the exeter flea market (see previous blog).

buy a bluetooth speaker to play your tunes, i got one from online for about £25, an anker speaker. make a playlist of tunes that help you feel good, help you feel connected, remind you to have fun.

get plastic serving dishes, plates, cups and a jug (all reusable please).

 

the food

our family is now vegan-ish, so here are some easy ideas for simple bbq salads

2 packets of flavoured rice from Aldi 29p

2 packets of flavoured cous cous, also Aldi 35p

make your own coleslaw by shredding four peeled carrots and some cabbage, mixed together with mayo

potato salad by boiling both sweet and white including skins and part mashing with chopped onion, mayo, a tiny bit of mustard, and olives. black olives are best

you can also make the amazing tomato salsa with fresh tomatoes, onion and a little bit of mint sauce.

a packet of ready to eat salad leaves

a plate of chopped peppers, tomatoes, cucumber

then your bbq stuff, veggie burgers, veggie sausages, there really is some amazing vegan food out there now.

make colourful screwers with mushrooms, onion and peppers

i have yet to find a good vegan cheese…

 

Drink

If you drink alcohol it is still nice to make a jug, an unbreakable jug, of red wine and lemonade (i believe the spanish call this tinto de verano). add orange juice to make a kind of sangria. Or make pimms, or white wine and lemonade. if you don’t drink alcohol then lime and soda is delicious, or simple orange and lemonade. or push the boat out and treat yourself to some elderflower.

 

put on some your positive playlist. try to mindfully enjoy it all, be IN JOY. having fun and feeling joy is essential for the law of attraction to give you things you desire. if you love life, life loves you back. Let me know what you think in the comments, or any other bbq tips you have.

jen x

 

 

 

 

 

 

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isolation creation: happiness jar

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Does anyone know about the happiness jar idea?

It could be called a mindfulness jar, or a joy jar.

It is normally started on new years day, which wrote a blog about a couple of years ago.

I have decided to re write this as I think it is an excellent way to try keep you and your household ok in these challenging times.

We are having to create a new way of living.

What makes you happy is personal to you. But basically it is something that made you smile, laugh or excited. It could be a kind act that you see in life around you or online, a kind word you said to someone, something beautiful… something wonderful… these are all things that make me happy.

What would your list be like?

So, here is what you do in 5 easy steps…

  1. Take a jar, could be an empty clean jam jar to start with, before you are allowed to go out and buy a bigger one! Keep the lid. Put a label on it called “The happiness jar” or “joy jar”. Stick on with sellotape.
  2. Cut up or tear up little bits of blank paper, recycled from envelopes etc if possible. These should be about 2 or 3cm square, or just a random small size. You may have a lot of time on your hands so if you want to cut up 2 or 3cm squares perfectly go for it!!
  3. Put the pieces in the jar, along with a small pen or pencil if you can find one small enough to put in the jar.
  4. Keep the jar on your table so that when it comes to mealtime you can remember it, or somewhere you can see it like next to the TV, on the mantlepiece, next to the TV, next to the kettle. Write down two (or more) things that made you happy that day. For example, when my little girl was dressed for world book day as Hermione Granger with her cape, I asked her to do a spell Hermione would do and she said “asparagus”… and it made me laugh all day long, I wrote it down and put it in the jar. Or having a bath and listening the birds in the garden. Or Chris Martin doing a Facebook live from his house when in isolation! It really can be that simple. You will find that you have to force yourself to do this at times, on days when happiness is hard to see but it is still there, it is just your mind that has stopped seeing it.
  5. Date the memory with the month and year. Put in the jar. put the lid back on.

The jar is normally opened on or just before New Years eve. I really look forward to it. But you could open it when isolation is over. Remember how some really subtle but precious things happened, a new way of living for some.

I keep the little paper memories and put them all in a sealed envelope marked with the year. Or if you journal stick them in your journal. It is like planting happiness seeds to grow new better ways of living and being.

 

I made a collection of jars with the labels on and paper and pen in outside my house, with a sign saying free happiness and a set of instructions on what to do. it is such a beautiful idea to share around.

Please let me know what you think in the comments and if you have given it a go. Add your pictures of your little pieces of paper. We are all in this together. you will find that your happiness is in the smallest of things.

Stay well x jen

ps: i have not written a blog for nearly two years. this is mainly cause someone left a hideous anonymous comment on my last post and it really destroyed me for a while. i think we have come a long way in accepting mental health disability now but to that person… what else did you do for fun back then? Wait around disabled parking places and tell whoever parks there that they are only doing it for the parking? My next blog is probably about what makes a troll troll. though i am hoping with sad events like the death of caroline flack people are actually learning to be more kind.

 

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I without my Iphone

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so 6 weeks ago i dropped my 22 month old iphone 5 for the 100th time before it finally died on me, screen went totally black, but still making a noise as is plugged and unplugged the charger.

i spent almost 5 weeks without a phone. could you manage it?

day 1 – they say that it takes three days to overcome an addiction. it is early eve and i drop the phone, and it lightly hits the kitchen floor as it is still plugged in to the charger. when i pick it up it is ok, but then arghhhhh the whole screen suddenly goes black. i can not do anything about it that day as the shops are closed so i have a phone free eve. my daughter manages to get to sleep without “watching on my phone”as she calls it, kids youtube. i actually switch on my mac that i switch on maybe 5 times a year. i message the guy i have been talking to on POF (plenty of fish/fuckwits/fakes) saying that i have indeed dropped my phone and that i shall try to get in to town to get the screen replaced tomorrow. i have been chatting to him a few days and he has been messaging via text instead of on POF. I go to sleep.

day 2: my little girl gets up and i have to wake up properly as well as she normally “watches on my phone” in the morning so i can snooze a little as i am like a zombie. Then, she wants to watch on her tablet, but i can’t stand the thing therefore it is not charged up. so we get up. it is weird not checking my phone straight away. i actually have to tell myself just to breathe, that it is beyond my control, and i pace myself so not to freak out before i manage to get to the phone repair shop at about 1pm. the man in the shop takes off the case and there is condensation. he says about water damage and he says “20 minute” and “£35” and i go off to wilkos and primark, for a half hour and wonder what the guy from POF will have messaged and whether he will have freaked out like an ex would have done if i did not reply within ten minutes. i go back to the phone shop and its bad news, big water damage (i dont even remember it getting wet) and he says to come back nearer the end of the day, he closes at 6. so i hang around town on a saturday, busy, ever so patient, swan around shops that i dont want to buy anything from. i get zaria’s feet measured in clarks without buying her shoes just to kill time, and we go to tesco for supplies and finally it is half 5 so back to the repair shop. The phone still does not work. oh my god. he says i have to come back tomorrow, i how on earth i am i going to get through the evening ok.. but it is beyond my control, i remember the serenity prayer from al-anon, and so i leave the phone and go home. switch on my computer again. check emails, messenger, Facebook and status update about my broken phone.

day 3 – the POF man has blocked me on POF and not replied to my message saying about my broken phone. plenty of phonies would say this and he clearly does not believe me. suddenly there is less rush to get a phone.

day 5 – my phone defo cant be fixed. i cant upgrade for 5 more days. I accept the challenge. i feel free, lighter. i smile. less anxious. thinner. Yes, thinner.

day  6 – i hardly ever know what the time is, it’s great. anxiety still low, no longer needing likes to tell me how much self esteem i should have but i do especially miss instagram. it is like my happiness jar. i miss the inspiration and collecting happy little moments, funny little moments that without the jar we would forget.

day 9 – i definitely am spending more money instead of using my phone. i shall try give that up another month.

day 12 – i start coveting other peoples phones, wondering if i can just borrow one for a while. it would be delicious. i think i do actually salivate, or at least lick my lips.

day 14 – i power wash the patio

day 15 – i upcycle a vintage sideboard.

day 16 – i really wish i had camera to video Zaria trying to click her fingers and dance in the car to Rhianna, it makes me laugh so much, i want to capture it forever, but I am comforted by the fact that i would not of been able to record it anyway as i was, you know, driving. but i love not having to see selfies of others that remind myself how i hate my body and i hate my face and how i still am no where near being able to take one. i go to the phone shop, almost getting a new iPhone, finding out about deals. i tell them i am going to blog about not having a phone, hoping they will be interested in my blog, “oh how interesting, what is your blog called?” but of course they don not say that. The welcome lady does say “how do you cope?” without waiting for me to tell her how i have been coping. i was expecting her to be like “oh yeah a lot of people are getting like that too, so we have this new phone that is great for calls and texts and pictures but has no internet…” but she does not. I wait in the queue to see another sales person, and when it is my turn i tell him all about the many tasks that i have managed to complete in the past fortnight without a phone… of my upcycling of the sixties sideboard, i tell him i power washed my patio, planted flowers, cleaned the windows and even cleaned the oven… “ah yes, but no one knows you have done all these amazing things…” he says and it’s just so true! i have not been able to share these things on instagram, no picture like a collection in a happiness jar to help me myself feel successful. no one to say well done. no likes. a smaller sense of achievement. but even so i decide to keep going with no phone. to be honest the thought of lesser anxiety is just so so appealing. i may want a phone back but i do not want that terrible feeling back. So as there is no mention of any new movement of people getting rid of their smart phones, i get sold a little 79p phone that texts and can call and can take pictures.

day 17 – it is my beautiful daughter’s 18th and i can not take any pictures. arghhhh. the little camera on the 79p phone is utterly rubbish. i find also I can not really text as i can hardly read the screen due to my eye condition, and even those with perfect eyesight would struggle. the predictive text in the phone is so terrible that writing a text is just really annoying. i also find i have no numbers at all from anyone on my sim card. i need the iCloud.

day 18 – i cant even find the little 79p phone, but i really dont give a toss about whether i can or not. can you imagine being like that with your smart phone?! haha it usually induced a type a panic and anger at loss that may of needed diazepam to calm me down! the little 79p phone simply has no value.

day 19- i make soup and again no one knows! i have been sharing lots of super therapy recipes on my instagram, but never have a tried a mushroom, spinach and wild rocket soup and it is AMAZING. But no one knows!!! and my little girl was trying to practice winking, clicking her fingers, then pointing at me but I could not collect this hilarious moment for ever and ever. sad face.

day 22 – my big girl goes out with her friends for her 28 celebrations wearing the most fantastic wow factor sequin dress and i still cant take any pictures!!! i watch the 1 and 8 silver helium balloons blowing in the wind imagining myself filming them and they kind of dance together but i cant film anything! the camera on my phone is utterly rubbish. and take more than 5 picture there is no storage in the 79p phone devise to store them…

day 23 – i find myself getting anxious with a phone… my little girl has asked for her tablet so be charged up so she can watch stuff in the morning and before bed, like its her relaxation too. bad.

day 24 – huge fall out with someone as i mis spell things in a text cause of the stupid predictive crap she thinks i have said something terrible.

day 25 – i almost go into town to get a new iPhone but try to get this written and one last job done first (stripping a garden bench) as i know i shall simply be on my phone.

day 28 – i miss my audiobooks that i am still paying for each month but no listening to a thing. i miss gumtree for selling things and buying things, i cant even go have a look in the new look sale. i miss meetings with friends, i start to feel lonely.but this is made even worse when i go on my mac at the top of the stairs and click onto POF which i have all but forgotten about. like a pang of hurt or a stab in the stomach that has not been present in me for 3 weeks. also, i feel so brain dead as i cannot google anything. but i definitely an engaging in moments more. i do remember to google if Megan Markle has had a nose job.

day 31 – i visit a friend and notice how they are on their iPhone, i no longer covet theirs. I just like being free of even looking at it.

day 32 – I cant even park the car without my phone, the parking app. i am 5p short for the metre. I search whole of car for 5p, look on pavement for a 5p, consider begging but instead find another parking place.

day 34 – get excellent deal from EE for new iPhone SE and it arrives less than 12 hours after making the call. I don’t even open the delivery bag for an hour or two and i don’t even open the box until the next day. think i am savouring the last few hours of freedom.

day 35 – open box, zaria almost immediately rips off the precious plastic, you know that stuff protecting the screen with no grace or celebration! And i am back to the anxiety of likes, the slight pain in my hands until i cover it with a case, does anyone else get this? and the headache when i speak on it… and of course Zaria is back to asking “Can i watch on your phone?” and i love the lie ins.

 

but so good to listen to my happy playlist and audiobooks, and of course take precious pictures of those happy moments. I am determined not to let the phone rule my life though. I am going to stick to these top 5 tips…

  1. no phones at the dinner table
  2. no phone-looking when seeing friends
  3. no phone in bedroom when sleeping (easier for me as Zaria is my alarm)
  4. no phone an hour before bed
  5. not looking at phone first thing on waking

maybe you could try them too?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Beyond Belief: 10 steps to synchronistic living

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synchronicity ˌ

sɪŋkrəˈnɪsɪti/ noun noun: synchronicity

1. 
the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.”such synchronicity is quite staggering”

if anyone asks me how i got into synchronistic living there is always one simple answer i give… i had to. i was so unhappy, scratching my face off, damaging my eyes, suicidal, devastatingly lonely and utterly desperate.

i had to believe there was a point to life in order for me to keep living.

i remember one extremely hard day i was trying to get through, in london to see one direction with my 14 year old daughter and her friend (not cause it was one direction in case you are wondering!), whilst hiding that i was pregnant and feeling extremely sick. the father who i loved so much had just left me for cocaine. i was not going to keep the baby i wanted. i was crumbling, breaking apart, barely holding it together.

and on the tube a lady put her hand up to hold the railings…

i saw tattooed on her wrist “just breathe”… it was like a message from an angel. peace and believe washed through my body removing some distress.

so, here are ten tips to help you tune in too.

 

  1. slow down!! slow down!! if there is just one tip i want you to remember today it is this… slow down. give yourself time. remove stress. it is near impossible to see any signs until you slow yourself!
  2. still yourself, be still in a moment. free yourself from any mind chatter even if only for a few seconds. to stop the mind, tune inot your breathing. focus your energy on that centre of yourself, down in the stomach, breathe in and out.
  3. listen, taste, see, feel, smell. tune into the present moment. you can do this wherever you are, but if it is hard at first take yourself to nature and try this whilst sitting on a bench. then try it whilst walking. feel your feet on the ground and your head connected to the sky.
  4. write in your journal. take it with you wherever you go. doing this is so powerful as you are making a concious effort to get your story going and from this concius effort your subconsious will sit up and be a bit more alert. think of your journal as your soul mate. The One. You are the one. you can tell anything to your journal. the pages are your most amazing friend. your higher self. this is soul work.
  5. when thoughts come, let them come. don’t judge and simply try to centre yourself again by watching your breathe. write the thoughts down. believe that there is a reason. make the choice that there is a higher power, and that you wish to know it personally.
  6. ask for a sign. simple. do not search for a sign.
  7. know that this sign will happen. knowing is going beyond belief. breathe into the knowing.
  8. you can fake it to make it, or authenticate it to make it. just be super real about where you are now in your life. don’t judge yourself, don’t let others judgements get to you (yes i know this is super difficult at times). or write down any judgements.
  9. believe you have chosen the life you are living and you are EXACTLY where you need to be. this is powerful. this thinking will stop you being a victim of circumstances and will let the happenings in your life become your greatest teachers.
  10. practice practice practice. be patient with yourself and remember your dream work too! signs can come in dreams.

have you got any personal stories regarding signs and synchronicity? I am looking to share any happening to my website and blog so please get in contact as i am dying to hear how you get on!

 

jenuine.co.uk

jenuine@talktalk.net

please follow me on instagram @jentleness.com (love instagram)

or book a private session with me. we can skype, email, text or talk on phone.

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ten steps to help your dreams communicate to you

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i have been writing down dreams since just after i started writing down my days 13 years ago. back then, i had a dream of the 2004 tsunami same time as it happened and have been fascinated by the power of dreams ever since. when i was young i was also amazed by dreams. i wanted dorothy to wake up from her over the rainbow dream still wearing her ruby slippers. i felt cheated that she was not! but anyway, here are some tips from my own experience to help you dream with more clarity.

 

  1. write down your day at the end of the day in a journal. the reason this helps is because dreams act as a filter for your day, your weeks, your months and years, so the more clear you can be of the past stuff or stuff that happened in the day, the clearer you will be for having clarity in your dreams.
  2. keep the same pen and journal by your bed, or a recording device (not your phone, these should be no where near the bedroom) if you find it too much to put light on to write. you could even put the journal or recording device under your pillow (NOT YOUR PHONE as this will cloud your head), so you can record your dream when you wake up. they have a habit of vanishing pretty quick unless you do make this effort, and then the message is lost.
  3. just before you go to sleep ask for a dream regarding what ever you want help with and set your intention to dream. let go of the outcome.
  4. when you have recorded or written your dream down try not to judge. look at each dream as though it is a painting or a film especially created by you, the artist of your life. each thing in the painting/film is a special metaphor for you.
  5. Throw away any dream interpretation book! i personally have never used one and never needed to use one. as you dream more and more you will come to know your own dream language.  i do however believe that any dreams where you are travelling represent your journey in life, and dreams about houses or buildings can represent your head or home space.
  6. pick out a couple of main features from your dream… for example a person or place.
  7. think of three words that describe that person or place, or how they make you feel. for example last night i dreamt of being in my home. three words to describe: safe, needing care, decoration. i also dreamt that there were people from my past in my home and wanting to live there. three words to describe these people: school, crowded, unwanted. so the basic message of the dream was telling me to make a better space in my house, to not let unwanted people in to my head, that i needed self care and repair, and also the feeling of the dream was one of strength and happiness, so that i am pretty happy where i am at this moment.
  8. after you have written your dream down and tried to work out what it may mean, try to take steps that actual day to do what your dream is telling you. for example, i will keep on looking at improving my home and head space. stay in the day. be mindful.
  9. once the dream is written down it tunes you in to being clear for the day ahead. be alert but relaxed, about signs finding you. do not frantically search for signs as this will make you crazy. relax and know that the universe has you back and all is taken care of. breathe. do your day.
  10. repeat from step one!

it can be helpful to get someone to listen to your dream and help you bounce ideas around of what it may mean. now this is not always easy, as people kind of glaze over when you tell them a dream in my experience, or indeed they don’ t listen at all as they are thinking about their own dreams to tell, or they are scathing of any dream power and so you could lose the magic from tuning in to their energy. consider therapy, someone who is trained to listen to you properly. or indeed trust yourself and carry on regardless.

 

please like if you like, add your details to mailing list, and/or comment below with any dreams that you want help with or to share your amazing happenings whilst you slept 🙂

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from self harm to selfie: 1. being beyonce

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it may seem strange that a psychotherapist who is trained to be a kind of mysterious figure is so open about their own mental health struggles. i am doing this to be part of the action to remove stigma from mental health.

i am breaking free of complex ptsd.

a couple of months ago i did this angel card reading whilst at a friends house. i picked three cards from doreen virtues delightful pack, one for the past, one for the present and one for my future.

the cards told me i have learnt from my past, and that currently i am a powerful manifestor. the third card was all about chakras and balancing chakras and the importance of keeping myself in alignment through balancing the chakras.

so i decided to take notice and manifested some chakra tuning forks for the bargain price of £20. they hung around a week or so without me using them until one night, when i finally remembered, i decided to use one to clear my solar plexus chakra, which is located in the stomach area. i did not really know what the solar plexus is all about apart from that it is something to do with creativity and the colour yellow, and that my creativity felt a bit, well, scared i guess. i defy get so so so so many ideas then fear stops me getting them out there. plus yellow is my favourite colour 🙂

anyway, i knocked the tuning fork with the beater and i listened to the frequency in each ear for a while, and then put the fork on my solar plexus. i had no instructions, working intuitively, i kept hitting the fork to listen to the sound and feel the vibration on my body for around ten minutes, making sure i was breathing in and out well and calmly and trustingly (if trustingly is a word!).

then i went to sleep…

and oh my that night i dream i was beyonce! beautiful beyonce belting out a song on stage from the solar plexus area of my body that i worked on. wow wow wow it was sensational being beyonce. beyond sensational. i was a goddess, a queen, the queen of queens, the queen of thrones, so so SOOOOO in my power i can’t find the words. sparkling, radiant, light, the sun, illuminating, aware of such beauty yet with no sense of ego and wanting to empower others. aware that we are all radiant beings. and the release from that song, singing my heart out, singing my soul out, was so healing. healing whilst i slept.

in the morning out of bed i leapt, instead of feeling like the usual slug that slowly crept along the floor.

now wouldn’t it be amazing if in real life i was actually able to sing like beyonce after that dream!? I tell you i would not be sitting here now writing this blog but instead rehearsing the tunes for my first live lounge session in a local pub. erm, what would i sing? some songs from my happy playlist (i put together a playlist of songs to reprogram my neuropathways to a better thinking place). ThankYou by alanis morrisette. i would sing Halleluia, i would sing Halo by beyonce. god i love that song. i sing it now, i have shivers all over me, and i can definitely sing a bit better, cause i know what it feels like to sing so well in my dream. i would sing on you tube videos, i would film myself now, and i would have finally found my true vocation! (i always wanted to be a singer and at a ‘starting college interview’ age 16 i had the audacity to say, when asked what i wanted to do, “i want to be a singer”.

“have you had singing lessons?” asks the tutor.

“No”, I say, and i get back into my little box with my little voice and dare not mention it again. i mean that man interviewing me may of said “deft go get some lessons’ cause thats a good thing to do, a step toward my dreams right? but i with my cptsd frame of reference would of heard “yeah you really need lessons, who the fuck do you think you are? Beyonce?” or maybe madonna, seeing as beyonce she was probably around 8 at the time… i blame you Mrs Brignall, terrible music teacher at fragile age 7 telling me i could not read music even though i could play recorder by ear. being a rubbish teacher stealing the dreams of little children should be illegal).

anyway, back to being beyonce… sparkling, golden, leotard on, fishnets on and dancing round to all the single ladies and not even wondering why the hell he did not put a ring on it (he did, then pawned that beautiful ring for cocaine). see even beyonce has that sasha fierce character doesn’t she? maybe i am actually being sasha fierce in the dream. i can still tune in to standing on the side of that stage now, breathing into my clear chakra balanced chest, knowing i am glorious, knowing we are all glorious, knowing i am at the top of my potential. i can sing, i have power. but there is a huge thing stopping me in real life…

i utterly hate hate hate having my photo taken. i have had two taken with my knowledge since having my little girl (thats in 3 years). sigh. i have not lost any of the baby weight. in fact, as i was so extremely exhausted i put more weight on as i would eat more and more and more carbohydrates, and as i was so amazingly anxious i would drink more and more wine.

i hate hate hate looking in the mirror. and so i have made it my own challenge to find this outer self love, to overcome this super high barrier, to find my sasha fierce, to be better than i am outside my inside, as inside a lot of the time i feel pretty damn special. or know i am. and even though i really do pretty much hate selfies i am determined to be able to take some, hopefully without filters, and be able to look in a mirror.

i have started running. which is a miracle. thank you God.

i am not sure how long it will take. but there may be a few chapters of self harm to self. the photos and mirror used to trigger me, i used to rub my face off with a towel until it was swollen and bleeding, taking weeks to heal. i would (and still did last night due to dreams/fear of powerful women) rub away my vision so i could not see what i detest. i am wary of painted women. give me real dont give me fake. but i need to tune into this beyonce beauty, the beyonce braveness, the talent.

kim kardashian has even appeared in my dreams as a good friend… i help her with her inside soul work and she helps me take selfies… thanks kim 🙂

 

also all of august i have been getting sent empowering messages from carla gladyt who runs empowerment courses for empaths at http://journeybacktoself.com i have been learning more about self care, grounding, keeping positive, being alone (god, did i used to battle with this…), letting go of what does not serve you. please check out her site if you too are a highly sensitive person.

so, i am going to keep learning about chakras and tuning them up. wonder what will happen next…

if you identify with this post please follow me on the journey and share your own stories about tuning into a beyonce type energy. please comment with any of your own stories of self loathing, self love tips or even selfies! also, if you want some chakra balancing done please message me.

 

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exeter flea market

Sunday just gone I had another ok sunday, in fact I would go as far as to say it was good 🙂 huge progress with tiny baby steps for me as sunday sadness (which is an understatement) used to fill me with fear whenever the weekend came around, as it always does.

 

but anyway, this past sunday i was invited to go to exeter flea market. i did not even know there was a flea market in exeter and so i went along with my little girl zaria and met a good friend there, shelley barnes of “Crikey its vintage” fame.

 

fore street in the city centre, the west quarter,  is where the market takes place. The road is closed, and full up of stalls of delight. on entry to the street, there was a row of vintage type cars, one of which was a ford fiesta which made me feel incredibly old as i remember driving around in one when i was almost twenty. that fiesta was parked on a single yellow line in brighton and was empounded as we were not allowed to park there, but at the time i did not really know my highway code as i was not yet a driver. my mum bailed us and the car out and she never got paid back! thank you mum.

 

talking of brighton, this is what i felt when at the flea market… brightonish, such a good feeling. i felt like i had energy. like back in the vibrant north lanes just down from brighton station. there was a buzz of creativity that i feel exeter had lacked for the time i have lived here. it was good to feel part of such creativity. there was soul in the flea market and in each of the sellers. just down from the cars were cake stalls, which i did not sample, then stalls of cherished pre loved items for the home and to wear. crafts like macrame were on display, art works and various vintage finds. the sky was cloudy with a threaten of rain, but the colourful bunting across the sky between the buildings brought fore street its very own rainbow. there were a couple of food places too.

I had to resist buying lots, but thought so much about selling as flea markets are so JENuine in spirit. the high street leaves me cold that i hardly ever go there anymore. in the olden days as a teenager in bexhill i would go to a flea market underneath the old cinema, and just love what i saw. its like its in my blood or something. charity shop in bexhill are numerous and i just loved the whole vibe. my mother would worry the things i bought actually had fleas.

i did buy some amazing vintage fabric bunting which now hanging in my garden space, from

kat boon designs, and also bought some divine chocolate truffle type lollypops from a stall called “little wing”, which when half of one fell off the stick onto the ground, i could of cried like a child but quickly reframed it in grown up fashion that at least i had saved myself the calories. zaria loved them too.

at the bottom of the hill were coffee vans and we stopped for a coffee in the real mccoy arcade at camper coffee. again i felty back in brighton. i have not even been in the arcade for years. i remember trying to sell my levi 501 jeans to real mccoy as a skint student when living in halls in exmouth 24 years ago!

sadie horler, whom i have known since she was age 4, same age as by big girl nisha, was busking with her beautiful voice  songs that i would love to sing.

there are four planned flea market events this year in exeter, two have already taken place and i can’t at the moment find details of the next one. if anyone knows please comment. hashtags indieexeter and trashtotreasure (my computer does not seem to have a hashtag!!) if you know of when the next one is please comment… i would like to get a stall!

 

 

 

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Be The Change You Want To See

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I have just come home from my Post traumatic Stress Disorder group at Exeter University. I attend there as a client. Anyway, I’m not writing about that today… but I will say I left the group feeling content, connected, happy and supported.

 

On the Stagecoach Exeter D bus home the bus driver was so happy too! I know, I know, hard to believe, but once in a while you do get a happy bus driver. And I want to write about how that happy bus driver to spread more happiness, he was spreading all this happiness around the bus, saying things like “Is everybody ready?” and people started to answer “YEEEESSSS”, and off we went. I am sure if the ride had been more than the ten minutes I was on it there could of been a sing along, possibly to “Wheels on the Bus” or The Beatles “Magical Mystery Tour”. It was just so life affirming. People getting off were thanking the driver for his cheerfulness and I watched them alight from the bus with smiles on their faces, and maybe they in turn would spread that happiness further and further in their day, even if only for a few minutes until other thoughts came in their head. A chain reaction. I was so taken aback with this unusual bus experience that I even took a picture of the interior and posted it, with enhancing filter, onto my instagram. Instagram is my happiness jar and i would have so forgotten that happy bus driver myself at times when worries or the negatives took over, which they do.

 

I wish I had asked the bus driver his name, and in a second I am going to go onto Stagecoach website to thank them for employing him.

 

So this is what the post is about… being the change. Complaining people are miserable? Be More Happy. People don’t help enough? Help more. Lonely? Get out and help lonely people. The other day, a Sunday which can be a really hard day for some, I woke with a crippling loneliness that would of in past times had me scratching and hurting myself. This time I posted on a Facebook group I joined called “Surviving the Narcissistic Ex Partner” saying how I was feeling so lonely, and within minutes there were lots of “me too” replies or suggestions for self care that helped me not feel alone in my loneliness, and also helped others not be frightened of speaking up when there feel the same, which of course gave me a lift to get out of the house.

 

The Sunday afternoon I went to visit Exeter Mosque as they had an open day https://en-gb.facebook.com/Exeter-Mosque-Open-Day-1550011811947080/. Again, Be The Change You Want To See. I will not let terror terrify me, I will build love and hope instead of fear. We will build love and hope, the whole world is changing on this, it’s the ripple effect. It was a fascinating visit and I shall go again this Sunday when they have another Celebration for Eid. I shall talk to people and learn more about difference and similarities. Come along.

 

Also this last week I attended an Exeter Launch of http://goodfornothing.com Good for Nothing is a group started seven years ago who want to do good, for nothing! They run little and big projects across cities all over the world and are growing and growing. Being The Change. In the light of terrorist activity and the Grenfell tower fire here in Britain, I was in tears at the sadness and in tears as so moved at how so many people went to help one another, difference and diversity coming together in humanity and spreading love in the face of despair and loss and grief.

 

oh and by the way Sunday after starting the day in lonely almost panic I ended the day creating my own dating site!! yip crazy, I did. No I was not drunk at all, and I woke up the next morning feeling I had dreamt it. But jenuinedating.com is the domain name and it is being designed now by Soberworx.com … Thank you Adam Mitchell 🙂

 

Thats all I have time to write about. So today, instead of complaining, instead of being a victim… BE THE CHANGE!

 

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Follow your excitement

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I have been away for a couple of weeks as things have been tough… the attacks, like I what I thought could happen and stopped me starting this, well, they happened. I will write about it another time. But I had this dream this morning and I AM BACK 🙂

I dream…

Something about being in hospital, healing. My first love from 6 years old is there. He is a nurse. (Does this represent innocent being the thing that will heal me? I think so. maybe being childlike, having fun?)

Anyway, later in the dream I am on a computer in some sort of library, or it may be a holiday camp, other people are on their computers too, like it’s a chat room of sorts. Someone asks me what I am doing and I explain about my actual paid work, then about my writing and journals. There is now a group of people listening to me and I say, flirtishly, as they are all men, “You men sure do give some stuff to write about huh!”, and I laugh this raucous laugh and flip my hair back (in real life its always tied up). Then I imagine all these pictures are being taken of me, for my book cover, me posing with a champagne glass, sex and city-ish, red lipstick on my lips and long blond hair… (not me at all). Then I tell the person who has asked the question all about jenuine.co.uk… and I wake up just so god damn happy (this itself has not happened in months) I practically jump out out bed. So excited. (Normally I just tell Zaria to be quiet, hand her my phone to watch cartoon films on and try my best to go back to sleep)

And so I want to say… FOLLOW YOUR EXCITEMENT! This is a fundamental part of of the Law of Attraction. This excited emotion lets you know you are on the right path. Things should be fun and EASY!

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