trauma

I dream I can heal people, and the way I can do it is through love.
I am talking to a small group of people who are very skepical. There are rows of chairs, but hardly anyone is there, and i am standing at the front of a small stage, it’s my first talk.

To demonstrate the healing I channel all this love Into my body from the great beyond and it runs into my head and die through my arms and out through my fingers creating a whoosh through the rows of chairs and through the audience, hair is blown and people are visibility moved, you can slightly see the love energy waves in the air, as though I was the wind itself.
“What was that?!”, they ask.
And I say “love… anyone can do it.”

The people there present me with someone to heal, an old lady who is withered and lonely. I lay hands on her and whilst channeling the love, a demon type presence starts to take over her, snarling and spitting and fighting against the love. I say this is the trauma in her body. Zaria is with me and I have to move her well out of the way, I know these demons just love to attach themselves to a child, such an easy target.

People around me look after Zaria and are shocked as the love force takes over the demon and dissolve it into calm and peace, and once again the old lady is back, demon free and smiling and serene, more youthful and free.

and so I guess i am just going to write on here as though I were still writing in my journal. a brave step. not sure what its for apart from that i want to share the magic that happens from time to time. so where am i now? still healing, still alone, the occasional thing like a wedding dress in a window almost making me cry. a survivor of broken dreams. still living, and getting better at it most days. i push through the loneliness that still threatens to cripple me, not alone as i have my daughters. sometimes even cherishing the aloneness. where am i going? i dont know. what i want to know is where i am going. law of attraction states that if you do not know what you want then asking to know what you want is your first step. i want to get through days without stress at single motherhood. i want to get healthier and thinner. i want some readers for this blog. and my big big dream, bigger than the wedding and true love, to get my journals an amazing publishing deal 🙂 so thats not bad for someone who literally just said she did not know what she wants or where she is going. i do. i trust the universe to take me there with ease and flow.